Christmas knowledge

Hi, I looked through your Christmas merchandise and I couldn't find individual ornaments.  Where are they?
Everything we have for Christmas is in that section.  I didn't notice any individual ornaments either, just sets.
Oh, well you had individual ornaments last year.
Yes, I remember those.
Is it possible there are some in the back?
No, everything we have received for Christmas is in that section.  We may receive more ornaments as the season progresses, but what you see is all we have for now.
Oh.  Well would it be possible for me to speak to a manager or someone knowledgeable about Christmas?

Mulch blades installed, or not installed? That is the question.

Hi, I had a tractor delivered last night.

OK, is everything all right?

It was my understanding that if I purchased a mulch kit with the tractor it would arrive installed.

Yes, that’s right.  Didn’t that happen?

I don’t think so.  They handed me a box with two blades in it, like they expect me to install it.

OK, the mulch blades should be installed and the box they handed you should contain the standard blades.  Did you look at the installed blades?

How am I supposed to do that?  They’re under the tractor.

All right.  Did you look at the blades in the box?

It’s a sealed box.

OK, everything sounds correct.  I’m thinking the standard blades are in the box.

But… The box is sealed.

What's this FSI-1?

Hello, Fitness Department.
Yes, this is Jane Smith, do you have something called the FSI-1?
Hold on just a moment, ma'am, and I'll see what I can find out.
...
Ms. Smith, that's the new Freestride Trainer from Nordic Track.
Yes?
We don't have that in the catalog.  You would have to order it directly from Nordic Track.
But I already ordered equipment from you.  Is the FSI-1 better?
I'm sorry, what model did you order?
The 10.2I.
Hold on.
...
OK, well that's a traditional elliptical.  The Freestride Trainer combines the motion of an elliptical with a stepper.  It also cost $700 more than you paid.
Does that mean it's better?
Not necessarily.  It's a newer design, and the new stuff usually costs more.  It really just depends on what would better suit your purposes.
Can you tell me?
Tell you what?
What would better suit my purposes?

My mower won't run

Hi, I bought a mower here yesterday and it won't run.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.  What's happening with the mower?
Well, the cord won't pull.  It's like the engine is seized.
OK, could you show me which mower out here on the floor?
It's this one.
All right, let me pull it out...Do you see these thumb screws at the bottom of the handle?  When you take the mower out of the box, the handle is in storage position.  The mower won't run with the handle like that.  You have to remove these thumbscrews, and then slide the handle out eight inches, and then replace the thumbscrews.  Like this.
I did that.
Oh.  Well let me take a look at it.  Is the mower here?
No it isn't.  What if I just want my money back?
I can do that, but both looking at it and refunding your money require the mower to be here.
NEXT DAY.
Hi, I brought the mower.  It's in my car.
OK, let's get it out and put it on the ground here...Do you see these thumb screws at the bottom of the handle?  When you take the mower out of the box, the handle is in storage position.  The mower won't run with the handle like that.  You have to remove these thumbscrews, and then slide the handle out eight inches, and then replace the thumbscrews.  Like this.
Huh.  Is this in the owners manual?

Need some information about filters...

Tool Dept, this is Chris
Hi, I'm looking for a filter for my shop vac.  It's a 6.5 EXP.
OK, do you have the model number for your vac?
Yes.  It's one of yours.  It's a 6.5 EXP.
Yeah, the number I need is three digits followed by five digits.
Well, I don't see anything like that.  It's a 6.5 EXP.
I'm sorry, that doesn't mean anything to me.  If you bring the filter in we can try to match it up.
Oh, well I don't have the old filter anymore.
Or you could bring the vac in and we can figure it out that way.
OK.  You know, I have the part number for the filter here.  Would that help?

My parts didn't show up! Neither did my tractor's!

Tool Dept, this is Chris.
Hi, you gave me some part numbers for my tractor and I ordered them online.
OK.
Well I got a message saying they arrived, but they didn't.  May I speak with a manager?
I'm not sure what good that would do.  Our store had nothing to do with it, right?
Well, you gave me the numbers.
Why don't you try calling UPS to get more information about the delivery?
OK.
... (minutes)
Tool Dept, this is Chris.
OK, now I really need to speak with a manager.  UPS was no help.
Well now wait a minute, let's look into this.  Do you have a tracking number?
Yes.  9200190195071300600449.
OK, hold on.
... (minutes)
OK, sir, this is not from UPS, this is a Postal Service tracking number.  Delivered yesterday at 9:30.
Really?  Huh.  I was home all day yesterday.
You need to pursue this through the Post Office or our online customer service.
Hold on a minute.
...
Would you believe it?  They stuck it in my mailbox.

Defective Battery Charger

Hi, I need to return this battery charger.

Sure, is there anything wrong with it?

Yeah, it doesn't work.  Can I trade it for another one?

OK, let's plug it in and see what's going on... it has power... the battery's charging... what's the problem?

None of these lights work.

The lights?

Yeah, these indicator lights down here.

Oh.  Those aren't lights.

What?

There are two indicator lights here at the top, green and red.  What you are looking at is a decal explaining what the lights are doing.  Quick flash, slow flash, steady, see?

Those aren't lights?

Nope.  And this charger seems to be perfectly fine.

...

OK, so I'm an idiot.

I would never say that, sir.